Knowing You, Meeting Me

Mad at Me or Mad for Me?

on May 11, 2011

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.

Romans 8:1-4

I haven’t posted here in awhile and there’s been a pretty good reason for that. Until about five minutes ago, I thought I didnt’ have anything to say – a fact that would boggle the mind if you knew me. I talk – a lot. Pretty much all the time in fact. But just because you speak words doesn’t mean you have anything to say. More on that  on a later date.

Over the past two months I’ve been reconnecting with two amazing friends of mine who I didn’t realize knew me as well as they did. They see me for who I am, which includes the dreams I have that I thought I was hiding from the whole world – pretty well in fact. This reconnection, which was very much divinely appointed, has redirected the way I look at me, the way I know God and showed me that despite all my shortcomings, He isn’t through with me yet (…being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillippians 1:6).

So if this is true, why have I been stuck the past two weeks? The answer to that is simple. I forgot one of the most basic foundations of the Christian life. No condemnation. My husband and I have four children – the oldest was conceived while we were still engaged. He has fought (and beat) cancer, both obstructive and central sleep apnea (see what an over achiever he is?), and has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD and anxiety. Needless to say he can be a bit of a challenge. Every so often someone will insinuate that he has all these issues because God is punishing us for the date of his conception and while I KNOW that’s not the God I serve, there are days that’s really easy to forget. I know there are times I could pick up my Bible that I think, “God, I just spent four hours being screamed at….we can do this later. I need a minute.” I get complacent.

…and then I get worried….

I wonder what I should have done differently and how I could have done things better. I think of all the ways I should clean up before going back so that when I present Him with the reasons and whys I’ll be better received.

And then this morning, I’m listening to one of my favorite songs, Surely Goodness, sung by one of my favorite singers, Israel Hougton. In it he says, “Said You’re not mad at me, no You’re not mad at me. You’re madly in love with me. You love me madly madly madly.”


So I guess I just go like this. Just start from here. I don’t have to catch up on everything I’ve missed. I just…go.

At the beginning of Easter week my husband went to get my mother in law from the airport. When he found her, he called to report that he’d “picked up the package” which was my cue to put my kids on speaker phone. In walks my often emotional four year old daughter, Regan. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Regan, talk to Daddy.
Regan: Hi, Daddy!!
Daddy: Hi, Recee!! I have something for you! Wanna know what it is?
Regan: Ok! What is it?
(at this point we are interrupted by my very opinionated very bossy 3 year old daughter Taylor)
Taylor: You can’t ask what it is!!!
*Regan cries*

It took me awhile to calm her down. Meanwhile, my husband and his mom are waiting to talk to Regan but can’t because she’s too upset to listen. Finally, as if prophetically I said this to her:

“Regan, your Daddy has something for you. I know you’re upset right now but stop listening to everything out there and just ask him what it is.”

All the noise, including the noise in my own head, has been keeping me from the things my Daddy has for me. Including the fact that we who are in Christ have no condemnation. As crazy as my life might be right now there are good things waiting for me.

I for one refuse to miss out on them.

Until next time.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: