“I’m tired, I’m worn my heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes; I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed by the weight of this world
And I know that You can give me rest
So, I cry out with all that I have left
Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That You can mend a heart that’s frail and torn
I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
‘Cause I’m worn; yes, I’m worn
– “Worn” Tenth Avenue North
If you read anything from my old blog (which I just recently transferred here), then you know that I try to be as real and honest as I can be in my writing. Today is the kind of day that I just want to write from where I am.
I’m married. I have four kids. My oldest has autism, ADHD, a bit of anxiety and to top it off, Celiac Disease. YAY! Don’t get me wrong, I love my family. But, my life is exhausting. I have great people around me that are very supportive. But, I also have naysayers that like to throw rocks at me because they know I won’t return the favor.
In short – I’m worn.
I’m a Christian – no surprise there. I haven’t hidden it from the blog nor written about much of anything – if anything – else. I’m not just the go to church on Sunday and forget about God on Monday kind of Christian, but the type that is in relationship with the God of the Christian Bible. Every decision I make – and, particularly the ones I don’t make – is filtered through the fact that I am a Christian.
When other people are feeling worn, they typically come to me for advice because I love to encourage. I have a mental storage box of stories, scripture and song that I can break out at will for the right situation. Lately, I’ve felt a bit empty. I am running on fumes. It’s as though I’m on the highway trying desperately to keep up with the flow of traffic, but I know my gas light is on and at any moment I’m going to just stop.
I’m worn.
So, now what? I’m not the first mom to have a lot on her plate and I certainly won’t be the last. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, we read, “And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.” (NASB). I often say, “It is by the grace of God I made it through this day!” Apparently, I’m not wrong. I’m worn. And that’s ok.
This is not the best blog piece I’ve ever written and to be honest it probably isn’t the worst. I’m learning that I don’t have to rely on my own strength (which is good because I have none!!!!) “I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I’m just too weak, life just won’t let up. And I know that You can give me rest, so I cry out with all that I have left.” That I CAN do. I don’t know if I have it in me to finish cleaning my house or doing the laundry, but I can give myself a few moments to let the love of my Savior wash over me and restore me.
Jehovah Jireh is my provider. Right now, I need strength. I need to get through this day, this week, this month. I need to get to the next phase of my life and make it there in one piece. The wonderful thing is that I don’t have to do it on my own. Psalm 23:4 ”Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for You are with me.” Not my strength, but Yours.
So, I guess this is a little more to the introduction of me. I’ll write more “happy” later. In the meantime, know that if you are feeling worn, there is a very big very loving Father God who desires to let you rest in His loving-kindness. My advice to you? Go take a rest!
zzzzzzzzzz
~Mo
songforanewday 